Ya know... it's hard to describe. As I look back, I perceive that I've had mental health problems my entire life. But for the 1st 50 years or so, I was able to "keep the lid on." I'm sure people must have noticed that I was struggling. But no one ever said anything. After 50, & having a bout with cancer, I've just gradually gone downhill.

Outwardly I still function. I haven't held a job for a dozen years or so. But this year, I'm the president of our townhome association. It's not a terribly important position but I still have to function.

It's internally that my mental illness is gradually tearing me down. This is not any different than it has been all of my life really. It's more my ability to cope... to maintain control over it that has deteriorated. I've had 2 major suicide attempts, one just over a year ago. It's only through sheer force of will, & psych med's that I haven't tried it a 3rd time.