What I wrote here is a much milder version of a scathing letter I started writing her last night. I'm still worked up into a frenzy over all of this, though, and I'm not sure I want to send anything right away, if at all. I go back and forth between she's not worth it and she needs to know how badly she's hurt me. Thing is, I don't know if she'd hear me in an angry letter (if at all), because she seems unable to tolerate my anger. Still, it would be kind of cathartic to send it. I think. I've contemplated writing two letters, keeping the scathing one, and saying things in a more reasoned tone, but then that kind of feels like overkill. I'm still not sure what my intention would be in sending something. So more of a reason to wait.

I don't know about continuing to meet with consultT. I told my T yesterday that I think I just need to step away from therapy altogether right now. Making myself vulnerable again doesn't sound so appealing. But then again, the thought of this **** circling around and around my brain is kind of horrifying too.

I still want to shake her.