I had another argument with my husband this morning. It was over something so stupid and trivial, but of course things escalate and I guess we both say things we don't mean. I have been trying to be careful about that and not be so hostile and heated when we have difference of opinion. It was something about our insurance and it really was ridiculous but naturally I start getting upset that he should have done something, but I don't actually come out and say it, I just kind of allude to it, then he responds with something nasty, and then the blame game begins. He was acting like a baby. But of course know what happens next, he will shut down and then be a jerk to me.
So I sort of collect my thoughts while he goes off to work. I sent him a text that just said I was sorry about this morning. I realize that he too has a lot on his mind and sometimes I am insensitive. He responds about a half hour later saying that I am right he is a crappy person ( I never said that to him btw) because bad things always happen to him like just now our other car just broke down as he was driving to work. Ugh.... So I tried calling, he didn't answer but I left a message asking if he needed my help. Never heard back from him. I know he is fine because he made it to work, but I sometimes feel so alone. I mean when we were arguing this morning, he had the nerve to say, oh wow you must be fine now because of the way your arguing with me, and I guess you can breathe fine now because of the way your acting. He really doesn't understand. I sometimes get upset at the way I react to him. I usually just walk away or cry in my closet wishing I could respond better or say what I need to say without being a doormat.
I am trying to learn how to change my behavior, but I would really like him to change his as well. I wish there was a way of doing it together. But I know he would never entertain something like that.