Sometimes I think I should try posting in some other forums. But I always decide to come back here! I think I'm beginning to take root!

Do you have secrets... things about yourself that you've never told anyone? I do. We always hear that everyone does. I don't really know if it's true. Of course there are secrets & then there are SECRETS! Well, what I'm writing about today includes both small secrets and big secrets. In other words, I'm writng about both the little things that you keep secret just because they're slightly embarrassing. And I'm also writing about big secrets... things that could, if they came out... destroy a relationship or a friendship.

Anyone who has been following my posts may be aware that in addition to struggling with depression & anxiety, I'm also transgendered. In fact, I was transgendered before that term had been invented. Those of us who grew up this way grew up believing that we were weird & perhaps somewhat perverted. You never heard or read anything about this sort of thing & certainly no one ever talked about it. For all any of us young 'uns knew at that time, babies could just as well have crawled out from under cabbage leaves!

Anyway, to make a long story short, when you grow up like this, you collect allot of secrets along the way! I didn't even disclose my transgenderedness until after my second major suicide attempt about a year & a half ago. (I had taken one stab at doing so one time before that. But that is another story. Perhaps I'll tell it in another thread somewhere.)

The thing is that when you have secrets, and keep secrets over a period of decades, it becomes a habit. It has become such a habit with me that I still have secrets and, in fact, if I didn't have any more secrets I believe I would probably have to invent some. I just don't feel quite right if I don't have some secrets in my back pocket! I'd be kind of like a squirrel without any nuts put away for the winter; or maybe a turtle that gave away his shell & can't get another one. I'd feel naked!

So I keep my back pocket stuffed with secrets. Some are just too embarrassing to reveal. I'd be mortified to think that anyone knew! Some of them might have been highly embarrassing at one time. But they wouldn't be now. Today, if revealed, they might just cause a mild blush. Some things I keep secret, I probably wouldn't have to keep secret at all. And I even know of one or two things that I recently thought were secrets that turned out not to be!

So that's the way it goes. When you've kept secrets as long as I have, you get to the point where you just can't get along without them. I know I can't. So what are my secrets? I'll never tell!