((Sally)) I don't think I know the details of your story, but it sounds like it was horrifying. I'm so glad your pdoc was there for you. I love my pdoc too; she's seen me through some difficult stuff and had advised that I take a break from T about a year ago, which I think was a good call. I trust her, but I'm still kind of ashamed and embarrassed about how everything went down with my T. She's also wicked expensive to see, unfortunately.

I do click well with consultT, though I'm caught a bit here too. I feel in some ways like I've been a bad client, because I haven't been totally upfront with either of the Ts I was seeing. ExT knew that I initially consulted with consultT, but not that I had continued. And consultT (whom I've seen 4-5 times) knew I was seeing exT, but didn't know that I was continuing to see her. I think I just felt too ashamed after awhile to acknowledge that I was seeing two Ts and continued lying by omission, essentially. So I think I'm a little scared to lay it all out with consultT because what if she wants to terminate me too?

Idk, in the end I waver on whether I actually did anything "wrong" by seeing two Ts.

Anyway, I'm still tempted to send T the scathing letter, though I'm pretty sure ill be disappointed if I don't get a response, though I know I'm not likely to. Perhaps further reason to wait. I know that I haven't really accepted (or maybe I should say processed) that I will never see my T again. I keep finding myself thinking, "When I see T next week..." and then have to catch myself.