Hi, my name is Jenna and I'm an addict. I was addicted to Adderall about 7-8 months ago. I was clean from it, but I was still prescribed it. I had someone monitoring my meds so it wasn't a problem to stay away from it. Now, I'm prescribed Vyvanse once per day, and Ritalin twice per day. A few days ago, I started abusing the Ritalin. I started by taking 3 a day and then I ramped up to taking 4 a day. I wish that I hadn't taken that first step because now it will be harder to quit. The meds were in my control, so I guess that's why I started abusing them. I also had finals to study for, so that's also why I kept taking more. I used the excuse that I needed more because I needed to study. Well, I put off the studying more than I should have and then I had to cram in the studying. I think I did well on my exams, but I had to cram so much. Now, I have stopped taking 4 a day. My fiance has my meds again, but I'm still taking 3 a day. I need to go back down to 2 a day. I just don't know what to do. Whenever I get the craving I just sit with it and it almost hurts. It consumes my mind and won't go away no matter what I do. I feel a sense of impending doom when this happens and it is so uncomfortable. I just don't know what to do anymore. I need help with this. I've been attending meetings when I can, but I still want to abuse the meds. I feel lost and I am without hope. I feel like I'll always be this way and I hate that. I just want everything to be back to the way that it was before. I wish that I hadn't picked up another Ritalin. I know that it will be so much harder to deal with now. I was doing so good before too! Now, I have to start completely over and it's painful. I hate having to start over on something like that. Any ideas to help me overcome this sense of impending doom? I feel like it will never stop and I'm scared of that. I don't want to feel like this all the time. Will it get better with time? I get very bored during the day and I know that that's what makes me want to abuse the Ritalin. I need something to do, but for most of the day on week days, I'm stuck in the apartment with no one home and I don't really have anywhere that I want to go. I'm getting a job soon and maybe that will help. I only hope so. This is my cry for help and any ideas are much appreciated. Thanks for letting me ramble. Hopefully not all of you are suffering like this. For those of you who aren't, I'm glad that you aren't and I understand how hard it must have been. I only look forward to the day that I don't want to abuse this stuff anymore.