LL-
If your therapist didn't seek consultation about her countertransference with you, then she was being remiss. You have the same right as she does to seek a second opinion, no matter how she feels about it. Her defensiveness is telling. You are spot on, imo, that she isn't owning her own stuff. I think you are handling this well, and I know that it is painful as hell. I am rooting for you.