Recently I've been having more flashbacks and memories of what I went through. I see my abuser's face everywhere. I'm just a kid and I can't focus anymore. I'm about to be in 10th grade and starting a new chapter in my life, but I can't more on from being raped and abused. It's been 5 months. I should be better by now. But my issues just get bigger and bigger

My other personality is pushing me over the edge. I just feel insane when she is here. Normal people don't have alternate personalities. Normal people don't have another life inside of them. I don't want to be crazy. I just can't help it. I'm insane and I can't do anything right. I can't get rid of Lizzie.

All this stress and emotion is tearing me down. I'm out of control with my life. I get weaker urge after urge. The urge to drink is so strong but Im not giving in. I did give into my SI urges. And I am ashamed.

Does anyone have any help or advice for me? I could really use some help. I'm trying to stay calm but really I'm about to explode.
Please comment if you have anything to say.