Seriously. I just truly realized that I've got issues that most people don't deal with. I have been white knuckling it for a long damn time. Thinking how I felt everyday was my fault, my failure, or due to my circumstances. Getting on a medication that works is showing me an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT WORLD! It's absolutely insane, hopeful, saddening, and exhilarating all at once. I waited years and tried tons of medications - none of them worked. Now I'm here and seeing life as others do. And there is no wonder I wanted to be done with it before. What misery! I'm now realizing what Mentally Ill means. I'm now seeing that I am Mentally Ill. This is such a conflicting realization. On one hand, I have hope for a new life. On the other hand, I'm inherently and deeply flawed & sick! I'm different. I'm "that" person". I'm someone that almost no one could even attempt to understand. This is disturbing.

I'm used to insane - been doing it a long time. But coming to and seeing the insane for what it is is just surreal. Coping. Trying to grasp. But grateful.

Does this make any sense? I may be slightly hypo-M, but in a good way. Usually in the Hypo state I'm an irritable ***** with impulsive crazy ideas. Haha! I can only see this now in light of the medication. Before I really had no idea what was happening. I was in a huge, confusing fog.