Why are my thoughts automatically ruled out just because I'm not on any depression medicine? Yeah, I know medicine can help thought processes be more positive, but I'm also pretty familiar with myself by now. Yeah, medicine would probably lift my mood a little. Of course, that may be more dangerous than I am now, because a lighter mood doesn't change my view of the future or my current situation, just makes me a bit more willing to be active - possibly self-harmful actions I may or may not have the energy to do now, not necessarily suicide, though possibly that, but other things such as self-injury or more resolve in my fasting/exercise habits.
Anyway, it's annoying. Makes me feel like they think my head's defective. "You're not thinking clearly." Well, I think I am! All makes sense to me... unlike hope for something that all of who I am goes against - worth, a future, friend/relationships.
Of course, it goes against the ability of a caring person to actually consider a person could really be as useless/hopeless as she feels... so the answer must be she's doing something wrong, or her mind would work better if it were on medicine. Of course.
Medicine. Sure, whatever. I'll see the doctor, if I can make it long enough to squeeze together the money for the visit - and pray for samples. Wonder what people's answer will be if I'm on medicine. "Perservere. It'll get better, you'll see." Lovely. Yeah, I'm believing that one. /sarcasm
And tomorrow's forecast? Dreary, but without the resolve of today. Another one to push through, I guess.