Blue, you have had SO much going on in your life. I don't know of anyone, diagnosed or not, who can always be up when faced with all of the negatives going on with you. I am glad that you say that you won't act on your thoughts.
You are not weak with the boyfriend. There must be some reason you care for him, and the fact that he wants back in shows that he cares for you as well. Maybe it's not a healthy relationship, but for now you have so many other fires that maybe you should put him at a low spot on the list.
I'm a pm away if you need to rant major cuss words!!!

Bluemountains