When you said you feel so powerless. Wow. It just hit me as I was writing this now. Having two ts puts you in the power position. That's probably what we wanted as kids, to have power over bad parents? And that's probably why that has to be worked out, as a trust issue, with a t? Really I haven't posted cuz I couldn't figure out what all was going on with you, but now this gives a hint, maybe!

P.s. thanks!!