Nmz1,

You just described my life, except I'm 23 years old now, my dad is dead, and I have no friends at all. Everything else you said is my life and I know exactly what you mean. I do nothing but play video games, but lately I've been so depressed that I can't even do that. I usually just stare at the wall day dreaming about people I envy. I hate myself, my life, and most everything. I hate who I am to the core, hate my personality, I see how I look to people and see how they respond but I am unable to change it. I've been seeing a therapist for about 7 months now, a psychiatrist for about 4. Nothing helped, so I'm going to be partially hospitalized. I don't know if therapy will work for you, but you gotta try.