I went to see the therapist and he was ok with me only staying in the garden. I weren't able to say much to him but it is mostly because this week has been a little rough so I havn't realy been able to say anything.
But he was realy nice and ok with it and we just picked apples, so I feel a little more safe now, and he's not forcing me to say anything I don't want to.

to answer ECHOES questions then I just turned 17 two months ago and I can't involve my parents because they are realy part of my problem and they would never understand. I know about these commuity services and I have looked into it but the nearest place there is one of these is 50km away and it's impossible to get there and I can only come three times and if they find that I am a danger to myself or others my parents must be informed anyway.
I tried the phoning thing but it did not help me much, becuase I couldn't realy talk and every time you phone it's a new person.

That's why I asked my scouts leader to help me because he has delt with youngsters with alcohol problems so he knows the system and he is the one who found this old retired psychologist for me. He is one of his friends it seemed.

Well after spending an afternoon with him picking apples I actually feel better about the situation... lol.
It will probably take me some time to trust him enough for it to work but I think it would with anybody since I'm not very good at trusting people, so I realy hope it works out even if it only helps a little bit. Nobody seems to think it will make my situation worse so I'll keep going there. Even if it won't be as helpful as seeing a standard therapist I might get something useful out of it and maybe it will make it easier for me when I can go see a normal therapist.

Thanks for the nice replies, and sorry for the long post