I was a very heavy, dependent, drinker. I would drink to deal with any situation, I learned to drink in public, at work, at school with water bottles of vodka every single day every where I went I had to have some sort of drink on me. If I didnt have vodka I would have a bag of beer and stop at places to drink in public washrooms or behind buildings while simply going to school. If I did not or only had a little amount, I would simply not leave my house and do my best to drink as little as possible and be nervously counting change hoping I would have enough change to get me something. But I always made sure I never ran out. I always pre planed for tomorrow.

I went to a detox, where they set me up with a leaving plan straight to rehab. So I went and have been sober ever sense.

I dont know what or why I am still sober, they really crammed it in to my head there that if I did not attend AA or some sort of support group I would be drinking again in no time. So far I have spent time with family and worked hard. I am not having it easy by any means the stress can be unbarrable and I am bipolar, have only been medicated sense leaving rehab. It was there with out alcohol I realized these mood swings are real I feel them every day. Now I still feel them and am working on med adjustments all the time, but unlike before, I do now have normal days. things are better

But I guess im just questioning weather I am or not an alcoholic. I do have an emotional attachent to alcohol where I cant wait for the day I can drink and be at peace for a few hours. But does that really mean im an alcoholic. Im one of the only ones still sober from my group in rehab. Could I have just been, a big problem drinker to deal with my mental illness?

Im not saying if im a problem drinker I can just go drink. Certanly not anytime soon. But when my life is more stable. Truth is, im going to do it anyway. I just want some opinions and help to figure out if a real alcoholic, could stay sober in my situation without any help. All opinions appreciated