It has been a while since I posted a status report. I am working as a temp legal secretary. They like me. I am hoping to go permanent. The job has good benefits and if I can manage to stay there for a long time, I will have paid retirement including medical. I don't know if I can work until I am 76. My mom retired at 79. The IBS I've been suffering from for years has lessened.

I am now on a lot of meds. Anti-seizure meds for my epilepsy. Two low dose anti-depressants (Prozac and Abilify) and a heart medication. I still suffer from complex PTSD. I am satisfied with my new sexual definition of asexual gay man. I was never very good at sex and, because of my childhood, had mixed feelings about it. My T disagreed strongly with my decision and was let go. It's a far from perfect life and I am not totally at peace with it but am more peaceful than when I was trying to be gay. I was raised to be asexual so in some ways it is my true nature. I don't like taking all the meds. I have 3 prescribing MDs. In particular, I dislike the anti-seizure med. The MD who prescribes the anti-D's is trying to find something that works so he can then prescribe something for ADHD, for which I recently tested positive. The meds are not decreasing my PTSD symptoms - a big disappointment.

My life is very boring. I go to work. I walk home, weather permitting. I eat a cheap lunch. I get home, make dinner and sometimes am in bed as early as 8 PM. The meds make me sleepy. Lately, I have been spending most of my weekends sleeping. It looks like the anti-D's will be biting the dust. I am calmer but am still an unhappy guy. I am refusing therapy because they will want me to be sexual and, well, that's not me. I don't enjoy it. Emotionally, I don't want it. So, it's a lonely life. Not even a T to talk to. In many ways, I am just treading water. I believe that's the best I can do considering the life I've been dealt. I don't believe in god anymore. I'm trying to set goals. So far they are: 1. buying a car (I've NEVER had one); 2. moving to a place closer to nature; 3. taking a foreign vacation every year; 4. rekindling my love if music; 5. maybe going back to school or taking courses of interest. When Mom passes on, I should inherit some money and will have my teeth straightened.

Sorry I have been out of touch. I feel that I no longer have much to say. As always, thanks for your feedback.