I can undestand all you say about therapy being hard for you, but the main thing anyone with any kind of mental disorder is going through needs to realize at to realize at some point in time is that, if you want to change from how things are now.
Sometimes you have to take risks, change is not easy, in fact its down right horrifying and scary as hell at times.

But if change is what you really want sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zones to get that change.

But with that being said you can get therapy without going to a therapist also.

if you would like I would be more the ok with you adding me as a friend and messaging me here any time you needed somene to talk to.
Things like that are really helpful and I would be more then happy to offer it to you if you need it.