I am confused as to whose is this counselling? Is the contract with you as an individual or with you both as a couple. It sounds like that is your confusion too? I notice that some counsellors, especially in the US, seem to see people as couples and as individuals and I personally think it is fraught with danger - as I can already see happening with you - there are fantasies buliding as to who she likes the best. It is painful. A transference is buliding that feels it could be unhelpful rather than helpful in the context of you working with this therapist.

It sounds like you need your own therapist, away from your relationship, so you can work out how you are feeling? After all, that is what therapy is about - a space away from family and friends. Can you talk with the therapist about what YOU need. I wonder if you want her as YOUR therapist? That could mean your boyfriend has his own therapist. Then perhaps later on, when you have done some individual work, you could see a couples counsellor? Individual therapy is all about you, it allows you to work deeper on your own issues.

In the UK, counsellors who work like I do wouldn't ever work with a couple as individuals too (although sometimes we will have a couple of individual sessions within a couples context). There is a duality there that can be very hard to manage for both clients and therapists and it can become very messy. It would be considered as unethical here to try and do individual therapy with clients we also see as a couple.

Moon