Wow, your situation seems similar to mine a year ago in a bunch of ways. My t was blatantly mean like yours on the last visit, though maybe yours said even more things that no one should say to anyone. I'm kind of confused where you said she didn't own the termination- did she absolutely say you had to leave or not? Mine didn't say he wouldn't see me again but he pushed me to quit, which is also a pretty awful thing to do too.
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Originally Posted by AmazingGrace7
LL, from someone who has been terminated by a T, I think you are very wise to wait to send the letter at least until you have the opportunity to talk with ConsultT or let your emotions calm some. I sent a couple of letters to my former T after he terminated me. I wanted to hurt him with words (like he hurt me). Truthfully, he never really ever "got it" because he was more concerned about preserving his image of himself than he was, my well being. Afterwards, what I worked on in therapy was learning about ME and the part of me that needed to prove, I am worthy!
I have observed a pattern with some T's, some mentioned on this board and IRL, who make poor choices in an effort to preserve themselves. Sad, really.
I think your letter is well stated, I just worry what might happen if your T doesn't respond. And, there is a great chance this might happen.
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I agree about not sending a letter yet probably, since you probably won't get what you want in response. I didn't send a letter to my t but I still consider it, a year later. After a while, I did post some reviews online about what he did, and I'm glad I did that. They are on websites not many people would see, but it makes me feel better that I might have at least helped someone else even out the balance of power that my ex-t uses to hurt people. It took me a while to get to the point the point I felt okay to do that, instead of wishing as much that things could change with the t.
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Originally Posted by likelife
Yeah, I told her that I saw the consultT initially, but not that I'd continued to see her - a lie by omission. And I totally agree with your point B. I think having me choose would have made much more sense. She botched the termination completely.
In our second to last session, when I had told her some of the ways that consultT practiced differently from her, and seemed to better meet my needs, she said at first that she felt sad that she had hurt me. But then later, she admitted that she felt a little humiliated too. I'm pretty sure her defense against that humiliation was to terminate me against my will, but refuse to own that it was her decision.
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Wow, that's pretty extreme that she apparently couldn't accept you going to another t. I thought (and still think) t's are supposed to be open to that.
You got me wondering if part of the reason my t was so mean was that I went to another t who knows my original t and complained about original t. Then I decided to go back to original t to see if things could work out. Original t shouldn't have had a way to find out about the other t I went to, but who knows. Original t had already started pushing me to quit, though, before I went to the t who knows him.
I agree with Stopdog that there's nothing wrong (as in unethical) with going to two t's. I think ideally, to have a good t relationship, clients would have an open enough relationship that we could feel comfortable telling both the t's about it. But I definitely don't think the t has any right to take revenge or be hurtful if you are seeing another t if that's what you think or feel may be helpful at the time. It makes sense that it could often be the best thing for the client to see another t. Therapy is for the client, not the therapist.