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As far as the betrayal comment by the therapist, it sounds like you only see two ways to respond to it: either 'stick up for yourself' or shut down/not saying anything-crying. Both of these are defensive postures and it sounds like you felt this as a kind of attack on her part.
I think there are other options, specifically, thinking about the possibility that this is an issue for you and explore it. Or if you think she's off base, explain to her why you think that may be the case. Either way, I think it might be more helpful to take a less defensive stance, see it more as an exploration and not an attack. It sounds like you feel the relationship is adversarial in some way? Maybe this has to do with it being couple's therapy?
If you think it would be beneficial, I'd encourage you to seek therapy for yourself. You can certainly do that and the couple's therapy at the same time, if you wish. It may end up helping you a lot in your relationship.
As far as boundaries, it does sound odd to me to have so much between session contact with one of the parties involved in the couple's therapy. I would think she would need to keep some sort of neutral stance vis a vis both of you.
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