I've been trying to sort out my problems secretly by myself for many years now and I'm finally beginning to accept that I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not even sure what my main problem is, whether it's depression or whether it's chronic guilt or shame. On a day to day basis I tend to feel guilt at least half the time but I also have very little motivation or energy to do much productive activity. I used to write a lot, trying to work out why I felt so much guilt and sometimes I'd get relief but it has always come back as bad as ever. These days I just try to relax and resolve the guilt in my mind and it seems a bit more effective but it still always comes back. I think the constant guilt may actually be the cause of my depression rather than the other way around. The reason I think that is because guilt is the predominant feeling I experience every day and it seems to prevent me doing almost anything that I feel like doing.

Anyway the bottom line is, I just can't manage this guilt anymore. I've tried just about everything I know to resolve it and it's got me nowhere. Of course getting help would seem like the obvious solution but I feel too ****** to even go outside most of the time these days, never mind go and tell a stranger my problems. It just seems like a vicious circle I can't escape. I feel like I need to resolve my feelings of guilt somewhat to actually have the confidence to go and seek help but obviously it never really gets any better. I just don't know how I'm ever going to deal with this.
I don't know if anyone here can help me but I suppose it's worth a try. Thanks for reading.