Your pain and sorrow are palpable. Fortunately, you have a creative outlet in which to express those feelings which have no name but hurt all the way down to your soul. This is a beautiful poem that you should submit for publication somewhere, perhaps in BP Magazine or an e-zine dealing with mental health.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Been there, felt that, have the battle scars on my heart to prove it, just can't express it in verse.