Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowted
eventhough i chose to cut away from my family because they were detrimental to my mental wellbeing and health, it took me years to get over loosing my mum, i knew i could not put myself through contacting herand all that would follow, but soo wanted to at times. I still miss her sometimes, but know i did the right thing and can never go back.
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I completely relate to the family thing. I too had no contact with my mother because of her abuse. For 6 months I had no contact with her and told her that if she contacted me again, I would file a restraining order against her. Well, lucky for me, I was in alanon and have been for over 15 years. I was able to heal through those rooms enough to have a relationship with my mother again. HOWEVER, I have limits as to how often I talk to her, how intimate I will get with her, and how and when we communicate. At first I was glad she was out of my life, but then I genuinely started to miss her. She's 71 years old. I also thought about her dying without my having reconciled my feelings. I wanted to have a clean slate and no regrets. Still, I didn't allow myself to contact her out of guilt and fear. I waited until I was genuinely able to address my rage against her for her abuse to me. Once I dealt with that, I was okay.