Wanting to help others is love Felagund. Sometimes when we love we get ourselves into some deep waters. Hugs on you for not giving up and doing all you can to help her, and yourself.

I think what may happen sometimes is that we unwittingly, in best intention, and even to say, its what we should do when we love someone, is talk to them. We care so we get to know their inside. Inside can be brutal and the outside doesnt always show whats in there.

Her grandma sounds like a person who is afraid to love. Not that she is incapable, but, loving is so much work that in some cases, I suspect people turn off their feelings to avoid the process.

Talking about our feelings with someone can bring it all to the surface and unless we were prepared for what might follow we can feel overwhelmed by it.

Its ok. You're in a good place and there are 1000's of links here to help you.

Try reading the relationship forum is my first suggestion. Talk about it in this forum too. Look at caregivers forum maybe. Look everywhere. Use the search function. You will find support here. Welcome to PC!