>> "You're not thinking clearly." Well, I think I am! All makes sense to me..

Of course you think you are thinking clearly! That's why depression is such a horrible illness!

>> a person could really be as useless/hopeless as she feels...

And this proves that you are not thinking clearly. It seems logical and "true" to you but NO ONE is useless or worthless! You don't "have to be" anything to anyone else... all you have to be is true to yourself. You are feeling a lot of pain, and a lot of hopelessness, and the depression is making you think you are "useless". What does that even mean? Like we are each a tool on this earth that has to perform some specific function?

Are you as hopeless as you feel? In your same post you mention the possibility of getting the money together for a doctor visit, and the very good possibility that he may have samples. That is hope. You might not need medication, maybe just therapy could help. That is hope. You could find a clinic that will treat you for free. That is hope. You can listen to all the people here who have felt the same way as you do, and were able to successfully conquer those feelings. You won't believe that because the depression won't let you. But you could hold onto some faith that it is true for you like it is true for many others. That is hope.

I don't believe that anyone wants to end their life because they feel useless or hopeless. What they want is an end to the emotional pain of feeling useless or hopeless. And there is help for that. The negativity makes you think you have no other choices, but you do have choices, there are always choices. Choose to survive this, to get help, and to keep trying until you find what works for you.

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--http://www.idexter.com