Whatever has been going on with me (for many years?) has ruined my life and I didn't see it happening. Or rather, I could see it happening but couldn't understand it or stop it.

And now my wife is gone and my family is divided. I have no way to recover what been taken from all of us. And I'm only now realizing that I've had a problem all this time. My wife tells me this all happened for a reason and that something really good is going to come of it all. And perhaps she's right since now I see that something's been wrong and maybe there's help for me...

But, after 20 yrs together, she's gone. Maybe I will get help and get healthy. She'll still be gone. And I can't see an end to the pain and the guilt of knowing I let her walk away.

Whatever is wrong with my brain has robbed me of my love and has broken her heart slowly and painfully. The precious few years I had left with my kids, and them with their parents, is now completely disrupted. I want to be happy and healthy for them. I just feel so shattered...