>>Being a burden<<
I hate not having any friends... It sucks. Nobody wants to be friends with the weird fat black girl that listens to Rock music. I can't stand being different. I wish I was just another skinny ***** with lots of friends, instead of being me. Even my mom thinks I'm weird. She calls me a %#@&#! "depressed gothic reject" just because I don't have friends and O.D. on black eyeliner. You would think that a person's mother would atleast be accepting and let them be theirself, you know.

I don't think it's cool that I have 300 friends on Myspace and none in real life. I don't even really know these people. Their just associates, who probably wouldn't give a %#@&#! if I dropped dead tomorrow. It sucks not to have anyone to go to the movies with, share the same intrests, hang out with.

All I do is take pictures of my own ******* self because there's no one else around to photograph and no one to hold the damn camera. I'm my own friend, and that's not good.

I hate being me. I hate sitting up not being able to sleep at night, and then when I finally do it's because I %#@&#! cried myself to sleep. Going to school everyday and getting weird looks. Eating and eating then feeling bad afterwards and then go back to food for ******* comfort. I can't even get a %#@&#! boy to like me because I'm a cow. No one knows this side of me. It sucks that everyday I have to cover up with a %#@&#! smile and pretend like everything is alright. I feel like a dumbass for not commiting suicide when I had the %#@&#! chance.

>>Scary<<
Sometimes I think about really really bad horrid things when I'm alone. And I try to block them out with other good thoughts, but it doesn't work. I end up having a big arguement inside of my head telling myself to stop thinking. I just end up thinking about the bad stuff, the good stuff, and the arguement until I start to cry myself to sleep. It scares me alot. I hope there's nothing wrong. I really wish I could find out but I don't have money for a shrink.

>>Afraid<<
I am so afraid of the dark. Everytime I go to bed I dred having to turn off the lights. I get nervous and my heart races. I start to hallucinate that things are there and I hear things. It drives me crazy until I just end up sleeping with the light on all night. "running up the light bill", as my mother calls it.
I don't like having to deal with that either.

I need to get some money for a shrink.