Hi everyone, thanks for all of your replies. Rather than flood with messages, can I just reply to everyone here. I haven't been able to reply till much later today, though I read your responses earlier. I've been too overwhelmed to do much more than cry or kind of yell out help.

H3rmit, - I don't find ways to "be kind to myself" but I liked your suggestion. I know what you mean. It's just I don't relate to that anymore, just as I don't enjoy a single thing. I do get myself to try breathing, sometimes. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I can't do what I tell myself to do. It was good to hear what you are up to. Thanks for telling me. I used to love gardening, and walking, and everything really. Just generally felt joyful for no special reason, not because I was doing anything in particular.

Rapunzel - thanks for giving that suggestion of minute by minute and are you comfortable right now. More upset comes, too true, from thinking how the rest of the day and week is going to miserable. I can't get happy with even how a moment is going. But I found a couple points during the day I was really hot, and I became a little less grumpy when I cooled myself down by putting on a fan. I felt too upset and nauseous to eat most the day. You know that gagging because you're crying so much reaction? I think if you were all here though, I'd cook a big meal for you.

Pierro - you're always mentioning your kids and husband, and I'm amazed because it seems like you're always taking care of them. Ya, everything is totally draining when there's no good mental energy. I'm glad you rest in between and try to do all these things. It's an inspiration to me. Maybe I need to make a have you walked today challenge or check in with some other people. Only time I exercise now is if I must get somewhere, my only transportation is bicycling. And it's very hot now where I'm living, so it's not too good to go out in the day.

Fading99- thanks for your answer. It was helpful, everyone's is. It's just good to talk together. I haven't talked with you before, some of the others here I have since I joined PC. I don't have insurance or a real job either, so I can relate a bit. I'm always trying to piece things together which is frustrating. What seems to work best for me is a good book or movie, if I can zone out. But I dislike that I have to spend so much zoning out. It doesn't feel like any kind of life. And sometimes I can't. In the mornings I wake up too early, crying, often scared, and then it's actually effort to get myself to a book to zone out. I try reading for hours, and have to actually take breaks in between pages sometimes, because I can't focus on the zone out. I also tried Zoloft and Celexa, and now am trying Prozac. Still hoping an SSRI could help.

Fuzzybear- lots of love. I'm glad you talked to her today. You've mentioned her to me before. That's really nice you both have this connection. Thank you for responding!

sortafairytale - thanks for responding. Really good to hear from you. Gosh I hope the physical and unemployment pain reduce soon. It's no fun having these extra complications and hoops on top of what we already deal with. I'm not a mother or anything, but it is a difficult day for so many of course. Hang in there. I'm glad that you can visit this friend of yours tomorrow. Thinking of you

Hugs to everyone. Thanks for all of your support. I hope this day ends soon.