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You've expressed yourself so eloquently, this is very moving, and I'm sorry to see that you are, and have been for so long, in such a terrible place. Thank you for sharing this.
This of course isn't news to you, but it sounds like you do not have sufficient support at the clinic where you go (or used to go). You need and deserve support and help and I hope you will find it --I wonder if there is another clinic you can go to. If you live in a city there should be some to choose from, if you're in a town, maybe in another town you can commute to. I know it must seem like a herculean task right now, as you can barely leave your room, but I hope you can make it to someplace that will help you.
I do hope you regain hope.
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