I've just picked up on this thread tonight and am wondering whether you have considered couples therapy. It doesn't look like this can go in any good direction without some sort of intervention. You & your mom might work with a therapist, too, if she were willing (I'm guessing she wouldn't be).

My heart breaks for you, baker, for all you're going through--and carrying a child you're about to bring into the world. That must be a nightmare to contemplate, because this birth is going to bring so many more complications.

If there's not time and willingness on all sides to work out the conflicts, I think you ought to consider separating from your husband. In most parts of the country, shelters are available, if you have nowhere else to go. He is abusing you, emotionally. Of everyone involved in this situation, you are apparently the only one positioned to make everything stop--and get people involved who can educate and impose some structure on the relationships here and expose the manipulations.

At least, that's how it looks to me. Please that best care of you and your unborn. Stay in touch here. I see a lot a folks here already caring a lot about you. Me too.
Roadie