Odee – I’m wondering why you feel so bad thinking you might not have the illness your doctor thought you might have. I’m seriously cynical about doctors of most stripes. Despite the power we allow them, they’re only human. And in my opinion they often have a narrow view. No one knows you better than yourself, even when you might feel like you’re lost and confused. You sound reasonable and thoughtful to me: I’d go with your feelings over your doctor’s here. What you’re going through right now – this doubt about the diagnostic and treatment course you’ve been on, that obviously hasn’t been working for you – might be a good thing, a revelation, a new type of understanding. I’d say embrace it if you can and try exploring new avenues.

Since you feel you’re depressed and anxious (depression can make you anxious and vice versa – I wouldn’t call feeling depressed and also feeling anxious a ‘mood swing’ at all: they coexist in unfortunately wonderful harmony. Maybe your feeling anxious was misread as mania?), would you consider seeing a different kind of therapist to address those issues? One whose first thought isn't medication?

The ‘everything about me is bullcrap’ attitude, the feelings of anger and anxiety about wasted time, the crying, feeling crushed, and the worried search for physiological explanations (gluten, thyroid, diet, exercise) remind me so much of my own depression. And for what it’s worth, I firmly believe my depression to be a spiritual problem, so to speak – a problem of the soul, or psyche. In other words, a psychological problem in the true sense. I don’t believe there is a pill to cure a problem of the psyche, but there are other ways of seeking and finding help that, for you, might finally be really effective.

I told my psychologist on day one I wasn’t interested in medications and he’s never mentioned it again. Together we explore past and present behaviors, events, thoughts and emotions. We throw in dream work, philosophical discussion and tons of reading. I feel like a lifetime of depression and anxiety is finally being turned around with this caring person and this interesting, multivalent approach. Time will tell, I guess - it's definitely a process. But I'm feeling, well...hopeful!

This might not be a popular view (but I’m banking on the notion of a forum as an exchange of divergent ideas). I understand there are medications that are helping people manage their moods and some of the troubling symptoms of various disorders. But I felt utterly convinced that my own troubles would not be well served by medications, and I think I was right. Maybe you can trust your instinct too? I think it would be worth discussing with a professional at any rate.