In my opinion, we are searching for approval from a person that we were never able to get approval from. It is very, very common for victims of abuse, especially individuals who were abused in childhood, to feel a strong need for approval from their abusers. Sometimes the abuser grants approval because of a life changing event or just because they have become wiser and more merciful/kind, but most times their behavior remains the same. If you are in therapy, I would recommend asking your therapist to help you analyze the motivation behind reconnecting with abusers and how to stop reconnecting with those that will hurt you. This is very much the same mentality behind women who were abused or abandoned by men in childhood and then find that they constantly end up in situations with abusive or unavailable men. Hugs to you and good luck on your journey.