Omg, I didn't realize you were dealing with all that. Now I get what you mean when you were saying, don't I ever get to be just the average kid? My t's mother died from cancer when he was pretty young, and he said all he ever wanted to be was normal, average. I know you already have a t, but I would really recommend finding someone who has been thru similar losses. It really made a difference for me. I forget what your question was, sorry!