Faking it till I make it does not seem to work, I never seem to make it...and just burn out and crash. I do still have the habit of sort of masking how terrible I actually feel, but that developed as a defense mechanism so it would be harder for people to figuratively kick me when I am down.

I am considering the psych ward myself or rather telling my therapist how I really feel to find out if she thinks it would be wise or not, because I am running out of ideas as to what to do with myself too much on my mind and there is too much stress, its even causing physical symptoms. Also I am over-straining myself by faking that I am more ok than I am and its only a matter of time before all mental hell breaks lose...and I can't fake anything. The main reason I am sure of this is it's happened more than once.