Quote:
Originally Posted by ultramar
From what I just posted and my own thoughts, I think it does have to do with a lack of boundaries, but at the root of that, a lack of a strong sense of identity. I think experiencing a great deal of emptiness and a lack of a strong sense of self must be terrifying and can lead to seeking and craving someone who will fill this hole, especially if the other person does have a strong sense of self. That hole is then filled by taking on the characteristics of the other, taking them on as one's own, and being terrified of losing that person -because in losing them, you quite literally lose your'self.' So I suppose in a way, maintaining that relationship becomes a matter of life or death.
I think that being the case, sacrificing one's individuality is a small price to pay in order to continue existing.
I think there's a lot more to it, but this may be one aspect.
How do people think this can play out in the therapeutic relationship?
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Therapy aside, ultramar, THANK YOU for this post. Suddenly, my mother's desire to engulf me -- almost feels like she would consume me -- makes more sense. It's happened to me throughout my life that someone will latch on to me and try to
suddenly be in this be all, end all relationship with me and I never knew why. I find it terrifying and enraging and couldn't figure out why it happened when I thought I had a strong sense of self, and am pretty assertive. The possibility that a strong sense of sense is what is causing the other person to glom onto me is something I need to think about. I know that certain clients have responded to their impression that I am quite strong, combined with the feeling that I am protecting them, and gotten quite attached in a way I think is odd.