Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose Panachée
((((Baker)))) I am sorry you are hurting so much. I can relate. My siblings have my mother's ear, my brother can do no wrong (he sounds a great deal like my brother in terms of his N and selfishness). I also wondered about my father, as well, and thought the same exact things you did / do. I actually tried everything I could to maintain a relationship with him but because of my mother it was impossible. You can only do one-sided for so long. Frankly, being the "black sheep" is a horrible feeling but it also tells you how much dysfunction is present and the dynamics are totally unhealthy - and even deadly.
I also realized no matter what I did, it would never be good enough. In her eyes. And she had the audience of the family to listen to her poor me stuff.
When you are feeling up to it, please go to the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers website and see if any of it resonates for you. It may or may not. It was a lifesaver for me.
You have done nothing wrong. You are not a bad person. You are a lovely, caring, intelligent woman that deserves more.  Rose |
WHy do I feel so bad though. I mean I feel like Im a terrible person. I also have all this built up resentment and anger. Im trying to let go of it.
I just briefly looked at the website, I believe my mother has every one of those narcissism traits.
My husband thinks I should give her a piece of my mind and stop being a mouse towards her. The thing is, I don;t want to be that person. I dont like how I feel when I become angry and argue with her. I used to do that a lot with her, but then I stopped. I hated how it made me feel. He says that she will be missing out on so much. Her grandchildren, the new baby, everything. But Im afraid that this woman will never come to me. I hate having all this time between us. I dont feel healed, and Im not sure I will be.
I too will never be good enough for her and it hurts. If she ever heard this, she would be mortified, and scream. Probably saying things like all I want is attention. I remember times she would make me so upset I couldnt control it and I would break down and cry to my dad. SHe would be right there making sure my dad didn't "cave" into to my feelings. It's like she has to have total control. It just makes me sick.
I dont know If Im out of line asking this, but if I may and I wont be offended if you refuse, how did you manage to cope with your family issues? I mean, how did you move forward and let go of the pain? WHen did you realize that there was no turning back, and that you wouldn't speak to your mom again?