((((Baker)))) I wish I could say it was easy, but it it wasn't. It isn't. I am still working on it. I found a really good Therapist that believed in me, validated my feelings and was very supportive of me. I also come to PC. And I signed up for the DoNMs newsletter which seems to always come at the perfect time.

Part of what my mother instilled in me is that I had to be and act a certain way to her and if I was not, I would suffer for it. She literally said to me, "if you would just do what I want, you can have anything you want". I became totally dependent on her for my happiness... that is part of their sickness. The manipulation, lies and co-dependency. For as long as I was around, she could find a reason for her misery. Instead of looking at herself and her own illnesa.

I would, could never be good enough in her eyes. I continued banging my head against the wall, trying everything possible to get through to her. Nothing helped. She had it rough with her mother so she continued the cycle with me. I stopped it. She really has no clue. And she wont change. And the same with your mother, if she knew about all of this she would be protesting like crazy, pulling her woe is me act.

I had to change. I had to do the hard, painful work and it was / is worth every second. I will be able to have a peaceful second half of my life. That is priceless to me.

I stopped it for the same reasons you describe(d) here ... I am not like her, I will never be and I don't want to be. It hurts to try to be something you are not. And arguing, fighting...not worth it.

I have been sick for 6 weeks and she has not once bothered to pick up the phone. It hurt. But I realized that she hasnt changed one bit. I could wait until the cows come home and she will never call. And that reinforces even more my desire to stay away from her.

I go through all sorts of feelings / emotions when I think about her. Once I stopped doing that, and started focusing on myself and my life, it hurts less. I was giving her all my energy. Now I give myself my energy.

I hope this helps a teeny bit. I could write a book but I dont want to go on and on.

The most important thing I can tell you is that you are not crazy, you are human. You have a great big loving heart. It just takes time. At least it did for me. The hurting, feelings of guilt, fear, loss, anger dont go away over night.

Right now, honey, the most important thing is that you focus on you, your family and baby.