Something else that was an enormous red flag to me, which I remembered after I posted...

My siblings, too, it is as if the sun shines out of their you-know-whatz! As long as they continue to play along with her and she can live vicariously through them and boast about them, she remains the Queen Bee. They are both incredibly N and self centered but successful so she can brag about them to all her friends, the circle.

Both my siblings are actually total a-holes tbh (sorry) and they get away with murder.

My sister is married with two children. A boy and a girl. When my mother and I were still speaking "politely" about the weather, her life, my brother's stuff, my sister and her kids, etc (that is before made the decision to cut off all contact and was still really making an effort), I asked her how her grandchildren were doing and esp funny, stubborn lil Sami (who is only 4 but definitely coming into her own, with her own adorable personality. She is very strong willed and intelligent and has her own personality, totally threatening to my mother), my mother kind of made a snide remark and said something very sarcastic about the lil one I knew, with broken heart, and disgust, right then that poor child would be my mother's next target / victim. I could not believe my ears...my mother was (is) jealous of a 4 year old! And her own granddaughter to boot.

(I often wondered after I was out of the picture who my mother's next target would be).

It is all part and parcel of her sickness. She has to be #1, top of the pile, all eyes on her, martyr... when that is challenged, she is vicious and cruel, sneaky, manipulative, controlling and she covers her tracks like a true master.

I am so glad I am away from her...as I admit that hideous behaviour of hers, it makes me feel ill. But she did the same thing with me. As soon as she saw me as "competition" or taking away her spotlight, she had to start cutting me down.