Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose Panachée
Something else that was an enormous red flag to me, which I remembered after I posted...
My siblings, too, it is as if the sun shines out of their you-know-whatz! As long as they continue to play along with her and she can live vicariously through them and boast about them, she remains the Queen Bee. They are both incredibly N and self centered but successful so she can brag about them to all her friends, the circle.
Both my siblings are actually total a-holes tbh (sorry) and they get away with murder.
My sister is married with two children. A boy and a girl. When my mother and I were still speaking "politely" about the weather, her life, my brother's stuff, my sister and her kids, etc (that is before made the decision to cut off all contact and was still really making an effort), I asked her how her grandchildren were doing and esp funny, stubborn lil Sami (who is only 4 but definitely coming into her own, with her own adorable personality. She is very strong willed and intelligent and has her own personality, totally threatening to my mother), my mother kind of made a snide remark and said something very sarcastic about the lil one  I knew, with broken heart, and disgust, right then that poor child would be my mother's next target / victim. I could not believe my ears...my mother was (is) jealous of a 4 year old! And her own granddaughter to boot.
(I often wondered after I was out of the picture who my mother's next target would be).
It is all part and parcel of her sickness. She has to be #1, top of the pile, all eyes on her, martyr... when that is challenged, she is vicious and cruel, sneaky, manipulative, controlling and she covers her tracks like a true master.
I am so glad I am away from her...as I admit that hideous behaviour of hers, it makes me feel ill. But she did the same thing with me. As soon as she saw me as "competition" or taking away her spotlight, she had to start cutting me down. |
You know, after reading some of the responses including yours I am inspired to have courge and be strong. I feel this way for a few minutes and then I think to myself, who am I kidding. The waves of heartache ome back and then im a puffy eyed mess all over again.
The doorbell rang a few minutes ago, which it never does. For a split second I thought could it be her? Then before I even made it to the door, I laughed out loud and said nah.
You know from what you described about your niece, the thing is my mom would say how horrible it is to behave that way about a child. The way she always would say things regarding my husbands mother. She was right about her. My husbands mother was never a mother at all, she competed with her daughters for attention and actually wasn't very nice at all. My husbAnd grew up on his own. However, my mom would say how horrible it would be for a parent to behave in that way, and not at all acknowledge the pain she caused me. If that at all makes sense.
It sounds as if we share similar family conflicts. My mother too, would brag about my brother. She didn't do it as much lately when we spoke but she always had to brag all about him even when they weren't speaking for four years. She would even brag about how my brother looks so much like her, has the high cheek bones, and almond eyes, and great skin, oh and blue blue eyes. Mind you I have the sme color eyes. Me, she would always say, oh and she looks just like her father. That was it. Growing up my brother always had the gift of bs too and mind you in school never had to study he was just so intelligent. I on the other hand had to work at getting good grades. She would tell this to people. So much so that I started repeating it as I got older and older.
I realize that I am a scared mouse about everything and probably always will be. It is embarrassing.