Well, it's sunday morning, I have a really bad headache but at least I slept thru the night, no nightmares, no night terrors.
Let me be really honest about one of the main reasons I wanted to be off meds; besides a lot of other things (irritability every afternoon, poor poor concentrations, bad bad depression) one thing that the meds really messed up in me was my nights.
I never in my life have good nights of sleep, but I try to control them in different ways. When I started taking the meds, I went to bed really frightened with no reason for it, I woke up several times at night and the paranoia was driving me crazy.
Last night was the summun of a lot of bad nights, nightmares, ups and downs. I have had one episode like that one like a month ago, when for the stupidest things I got really upset and ended up drunk in my kitchen floor, until my hubby came and took me upstairs.
Last night I came downstairs thinking that I needed to drink to make the pain go away, because I'm not an alcoholic, I drunk one cup of wine and I started feeling like crap.
I cried a lot, because I feel like a failure most of the time, I don't know how to handle most of the aspect of my life, and I felt alone.
But what I realize in the midst of all this is, that, my hubby gives me enoguh room for me to feel, and put my thoughts into tears, but he came downstairs after 1/2 hour and took me upstairs, help me get into bed and he asked me if I needed a masage, he masaged my legs and my back *they were literally killing me*.
Not saying anything, just huging me and trying to make me feel like everything is going to be ok.
Thank you guys, for been there, on the other side of the net.
Thank God I hav emy other half here, I have too much to be thankful for and I really am.