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May 13, 2013, 08:48 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My kids are cool
Therapy aside, ultramar, THANK YOU for this post. Suddenly, my mother's desire to engulf me -- almost feels like she would consume me -- makes more sense. It's happened to me throughout my life that someone will latch on to me and try to suddenly be in this be all, end all relationship with me and I never knew why. I find it terrifying and enraging and couldn't figure out why it happened when I thought I had a strong sense of self, and am pretty assertive. The possibility that a strong sense of sense is what is causing the other person to glom onto me is something I need to think about. I know that certain clients have responded to their impression that I am quite strong, combined with the feeling that I am protecting them, and gotten quite attached in a way I think is odd.
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My mother was like this too and I found it terrifying and enraging as well. I sense people like this a mile away, and run. Though, truthfully, I am likely *too* wary and misjudge people sometimes.
I have a co-worker like this. It's not like she's a terrible person or anything, but my reaction to her, I knew on some level, was way over the top. She literally terrified me in some ways. Long story. But one day, I just realized, cliché I know, the woman reminded me of my mother. I haven't encountered many people like this in my life, probably because I try and stay away, but in situations like work, where you don't have a choice in who you work with, it can happen, unfortunately.
To me it is about boundaries, to an extent. I don't know how to explain it, really, except that I've found that people who enmesh are not good at navigating them. I do know that my mother's boundaries were horrendous. Maybe someone else can explain that better than me.
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