At the Enneagram workshop this weekend, I learned that 9's as is my type, the peacekeeper, people pleaser, use narcotization (zoning out, falling asleep) as their M.O. avoiding their problems.

So I'm thinking, yea OK I like it, let's run with it, full on escapism, bring it on. I want xanax, valium, seroquel - stack me up baby.

Of course, this was supposed to be a realization that my current method isn't working... but I feel like no it's not working because I'm not narc'ed out enough. That's the problem. And I'm tired of feeling everything, I'm tired of being the "stupid emotional woman" yes I am called names like that.

Knock me out and wake me up when I'm stronger. Cuz when I wake up... he better watch out, they all better watch out.