Quote:
Originally Posted by ultramar
My mother was like this too and I found it terrifying and enraging as well. I sense people like this a mile away, and run. Though, truthfully, I am likely *too* wary and misjudge people sometimes.
I have a co-worker like this. It's not like she's a terrible person or anything, but my reaction to her, I knew on some level, was way over the top. She literally terrified me in some ways. Long story. But one day, I just realized, cliché I know, the woman reminded me of my mother. I haven't encountered many people like this in my life, probably because I try and stay away, but in situations like work, where you don't have a choice in who you work with, it can happen, unfortunately.
To me it is about boundaries, to an extent. I don't know how to explain it, really, except that I've found that people who enmesh are not good at navigating them. I do know that my mother's boundaries were horrendous. Maybe someone else can explain that better than me.
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This all feels like what I call "emotional vampirism." I, too, run as fast as my little feet will take me in the other direction. What feels icky to me about this--and I don't think either of my parents were like this--is that such behavior seems weirdly narcissistic to me, perhaps in the insistance of their needs (and so boundary violations). It's all about the need, even as they profess their admiration, etc, for you. I've experienced the feeling of being invisible in the face of this behavior. It's very objectifying, so if it came from a parent, it could feel very demeaning. Sometimes it has shown itself as passive aggressiveness, too, if I choose to disengage, or not engage at all. I suspect it is the need acted out to replace the underlying emptiness and lack of self.