I'm writing this hoping to diffuse my mind. At this moment, I feel closer to suicide than I have in years. I was watching T.V. and during a commercial, the music on the commercial was a song that I had not heard nor thought of for years. Music is an extremely powerful trigger for me, and can take light depression to suicidal depression in seconds.

Usually, if music has caused a problem, it was my own fault for turning on the radio. This one caught me off guard. Once the tune, or part of a tune gets in, I lose control and go directly to online sites that play the music for free. I've already listened to the whole thing six times in a row. I don't want to hear it, but feel powerless to stop. As I write this, I hear it inside my mind as clearly as if it were playing. Its not a sad song, in fact it is supposed to be an upbeat song. Its not the words, its the melody and the way the sound the instruments combine.

Since I have made an important promise to someone never to attempt suicide again, it would suprise me if I did, but getting blindsided by that tune is going to cause problems for weeks.

Sam2