Hi everyone...I really am thankful for your kind words and for reaching out to me. Each step is truly a victory...I really am coming a long way in facing fears and taking risks.

I've finally accepted that anxiety is a condition...my doctor says it's a biological thing for me that can be made better or worse by my reactions to it and using the skills I've learned to manage it.

The past, like, decade has been so bad for me. So obviously...there's something going on that isn't just something I'm doing to myself. I have not wanted to accepted this long stretch of time as my life. I wanted to push myself to overcome everything and win big and get rid of this on my own. But my way of "pushing myself" was perfectionism and avoiding my emotions and certain situations.

It's just hard to accept that I won't get a second chance at a better past. It is what it is.

What pisses me off though is that...I could be doing so much more and so much better if I didn't have anxiety. But I do. I guess I could also say that I could be doing so much more and so much better if I handled my anxiety better...because that's true, too.

Sometimes I get so depressed by it all! I'm trying to live better and I want the rest of my life to be more amazing than before...but sometimes it feels very impossible, like a pipe dream...and it's going to take a lot of hard work...