So yesterday it really hit home that I've actually got the dx of bipolar II. When the lamictal gave me a rash, I thought to myself, well, if it's not really bp, the doc will most likely put me on an ad instead of another mood stabilizer. Of course, he put me on another mood stabilizer. And I don't know, but it seems to me now that maybe this really is real. He prescribed carbamazepine (which is tegretol, equetro) and this is not generally used for unipolar depression. So, I guess....I should accept this.

I had the opportunity to tell some family about this the other day but I couldn't. They associate bipolar with the wife of my brother in law. She might be bipolar but I doubt it. She's a *****. And she is more like a sociopath than anything. Honestly. So if I were to tell them I was bipolar, I don't know how they'd take it. I think this will be my secret. At least for now.

I am going to see a therapist this week. It's been far too long and I think I need someone to talk to about all this.