oh janniebug right now I can understand excataly how you feel..
when a doctor tells you to journal, I think they mean that in a good way, writing down our feelings as we see them, in our minds eyes is the best way to get them out of our head and on to paper so we do not do anything like you say.

And once you do that, maybe you can move on to something else.. Try something differnt Go for walk in a nice park if you have on in your city, or walk the malls, to just look at differnt things.
Read a good book that you have been wanting to read check it out from the library, I have did that over the past two weeks, and it has helped a little. I still have fallen off my wagon persay, but I am working on not doing that anymore

We all have to find differnt ways to cope.. RIght???
Writte it on here if it helps..
others will respond, if they think they can helpyou just like I am doing now


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take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better