Well my life has officially taken it's second major crash on me. Don't get me wrong, there are ups and downs always, but a true life crash, well, I consider this to be the second for me. I'm trying to learn to be strong this time. Never let this happen to me again. I'm not sure how.

My dx in the past have come from general doctors, not professionals of the psychiatric nature. I didn't continue to go because of lack of faith in the system. They never did decide between just depression or bipolar. I don't know if bipolar is the right dx for me or not. I know that depression is a key issue I struggle with, but there is soooo much more to it than that.

Anyway, I guess I'm not making much sense here as I ramble, as usual. My point, I finally got the cahunas to walk into mental health services yesterday. The initial evaluation was lengthy. They didn't give me a whole lot to go on other than they want me to begin group therapy. They said after I have attended at least three therapy sessions I can be considered for meds. They were supposed to call me today after my case went to review. I didn't receive a call, so I called but my person wasn't there; I left a message.

Now I wait.....I don't know what to expect....they explained it wasn't a diagnoses, but a general starting point, that he was unsure if I should be primarily handled for now as PTSD or bipolar.

My mother's dx was recently changed to borderline personality disorder. She shared some info with me and I felt like it was a booklet on my life.

I'm so confused right now. I'm so lost. I really truly hope there is help for me, and this time I'm going to follow through and learn to be a person again, that is, if I ever was really a person to start with.

Thanks for bearing with me on this one.