You know, you posted about having that dream where everything was normal. You're lucky even to have such dreams. Usually we scream at each other in mine, and that was an improvement - i finally found my voice. My friends say to me, "but she's your mother! How can you not talk to her?" And I'm like, I don't know what that means. To them it means someone who took care of them. I guess, I don't really know. To me it just means somebody who stabbed me in the back, threw me under the bus - okay not literally, but close enough.

I grew up without grandmas, and nobody cared. Not saying that's a good thing. But find your kids a better role model. They will go by what you say.

It has taken me a couple of years to feel better, but I live life in the slow lane and alone. You can build new experiences, new "muscle" every day. No, we just don't have that mother. hopefully you'll live to be the kind of grandmother you wish your kids have - if they decide to have kids! Better enjoy what is.