Thanks for the response!

I just called her to schedule an appointment. She is actually the first therapist I ever had. I actually started to wonder, "man I been with her for 3 years and she is my first T, how do I know she is being effective? Maybe there are others Ts that are better?!" I know it sounds awful, but having been with only one T, one begins to wonder ya know?

Actually, I feel pretty awful now and dreading tomorrow. I tend to think in a "no-win situation". If she seems happy for me to come back, my negative thinking is she is faking it. If she doesn't seem happy for me to come back, I think she is not a caring T. This is the thinking I go through. I let my feelings get the better of me

Logically, I know I am giving my T zero chance (we have talked about this before). Ultimately, I guess if I don't trust my T in the first place, anything she does I will reject it. That's what it came down to in our last meeting, do I trust my T?

I already told her I will not try therapy again after her, because I just can't bare the thought of going through with this again. It's just too much and I feel huge pressure and anxiety when I go to her office and talk to her.